Having been a flight attendant for 21 years, I’ve seen it all. The pandemic has heightened tensions on airplanes, with the most extreme cases of bad passenger behavior escalating into violence. But more often, I’ve seen disrespectful behavior lead to arguments or unpleasantness.

As we head into the busy summer months, it’s worth discussing the daily rituals that, dare I say it, can make flying a little more pleasant.

Here are my rules of flying etiquette, designed to keep yourself reasonably comfortable while also being considerate of those around you.

Everyone has the right to recline their chair – but in a polite way.

The wrong approach is to shove your seat back too hard and too quickly. This can cause a broken laptop in the back seat to get spilled, or even lead to a fight that causes the flight to make an emergency landing. Be aware of your surroundings. Before you lean back, look behind you and politely ask if the other person minds.

We flight attendants are not servants. Flight attendants are limited to hand sanitizer, wet wipes and air fresheners, not vacuums, brooms or cleaning supplies. It’s not something you have to do, but it’s polite to do it. Mess can have knock-on effects: a mess in the aisle could be a safety hazard; a massive cleaning effort could even delay the next flight. It helps to think proactively. Can a kid hold a large bag of snacks? If not, portion them out in smaller, more manageable containers ahead of time.

The economy class luggage compartment is first come, first served. The space directly above your seat is not yours, so you can’t take someone else’s bag out and put yours in. It’s OK to move luggage around to maximize space, but leave the intricacies to the flight attendants. Remember, small bags should be placed under the seat, and the overhead compartment is reserved for larger pieces of luggage.

We don’t need to hear both sides of the conversation; besides, boarding isn’t the time to say goodbye. This is when you should focus on finding your seat and stowing your luggage as quickly as possible so that the person behind you can do the same. Speaking of which, no one wants to hear your movies, video games, or TikTok, so bring headphones. Even your kids.

It was a consolation prize for the passengers squeezed between them with nowhere else to go. That was it.

Is your seatmate too chatty? Headphones are a great way to avoid your seatmate not picking up on cues, so you don’t feel forced to chat. This is my go-to solution: After a long day as a skyflyer, noise-canceling headphones are my haven. I want to be calm on the way home.

If it’s a long flight, be sure to relax and take off your shoes, but there is absolutely no reason to take off your socks. Foot odor is inevitable. Also, keep your feet in check. Resting your feet on the armrest of the seat in front of you is unacceptable. And I strongly recommend that you keep your shoes on when you go to the toilet.

If you need anything—a refill on your coffee, if you’re not feeling well, or to help with a passenger who’s disturbing you—please use it. It’s better than poking or patting the flight attendant, which are both inappropriate. Before you press the button, make sure you don’t see us pushing a drinks cart or trash bags down the aisle—that means we’re on our way! If you have a true emergency, please click more than once so we know it’s important.

Nothing is more frustrating than having the back of your chair become a punching bag. However, if a child is messing around behind you, tell his parents. You have no right to yell at someone else’s child. A good approach is to calmly and with a smile ask the parents if they realize the child is kicking the back of your chair. Then say that this is bothering; is there anything you can do to make the child stop? This way your tone is not accusatory, but a request, not a command.

If your family doesn’t sit together, the flight attendants won’t be able to help you coordinate during the chaotic boarding rush. The gate agent can see the seating chart and family reservations, so ask them first if you can change seats.Some airlines even have regulations that families with children under 13 must sit together.so the gate is the best place to go. Or better yet, call the airline before you go to the airport.

I’m going to say something unpopular. No, if someone asks you if you can change seats, you don’t have to say yes. If you paid extra for your seat, you can always say no in a nice way, even if it’s just an inconvenience. If it would be beneficial for you, like moving from a middle seat to a window seat, or if you’re happy to help, then go for it.

This should be common sense, but somehow it doesn’t. I deal with it every day. I don’t want to flush your waste, and neither does the passenger who uses the bathroom after you. If you can’t find the button, look for it yourself: I promise it’s there. It’s on every plane.